We are not the ordinary

By George it’s been a while, and by “a while,” I mean –whoa, now there’s a joke blast from the past, it really has been a while. “Blogger since October 2004”. 2004?! October?! Are you serious? I’m freaking old school. Mrs. Mathews, Reggae Ska and Sluffing, comment contests, those were the days. Take that MySpace. Back in those days MySpace was a self defense company and Facebook was um… something Hannibal used uh… I got nothing. Past-Blast again!

Do you know that I don’t even have a Facebook account? Me, Rob Cutting Edge-Blogger since 2004-Super Nintendo Magleby. I’m not even sure how they work, and I’d like to pretend that I didn’t feel a little pride in saying that but it’s true. But I take pride in all my ignorance, so what are you gonna do? Nothing that’s what.

You young whippersnappers out there with your friend invites and your relationship status, back in my day you had to judge a man by their response to a random question and their zodialogical sign. Why it took me six months to realize that Marlsven was a dude! I guess the point here is that I miss the good old days and they’re never coming back and that makes me sadder than I’d admit. I have some regrets, including constantly agonizing over the Spider-Man Batman debate in my head and never writing my magnum opus. Which I still plan to do by the way, don’t even get my started on how Spider-Man 3 complicates the mess, and with the Dark Knight coming out next summer, Heath Ledger as the Joker, and the new Bat-Suit, it’ll start all over again. Oh the agony! Man this is exhausting, I need a break. Maybe I’ll take a year off again. Maybe two.

iHeart iProvo

I would just like to wish Taylor Killian a happy birthday and inform everyone of some updates. One: purple is now the official Sir Gawain font color for sarcasm. Two: I have fast Internet for the first time in my life, and that will lead to impulsive and crappy posts like this one. Three: That blind girl from The Village will be playing Gwen Stacy in Spider-Man 3. Four: The farmer from Babe will be playing Gwen Stacy’s father. Five: I know how much you guys don’t care about Spider-Man. Six: That won’t stop me from updating you on all the big Spider-Man 3 news. Seven: I need a councilor for the communications merit badge before next Sunday. Eight: I am proud to say that I have finished my Eagle Project.

Not Posting: Hero or Menace?

Ok, ok, ok, let me just apologize and clear this up. It was late. I was drunk. And it was delicious. Moving on:
I don't want to apologize for the lack of posts because that means I would have to, you know... apologize. Which as everything in my life, except for the beginning of this post and the following sentence testifies to, is something I never do. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am. As you may, or more likely, may not know, I have been without the Internet at my home for quite some time and won't have it again until mid Febuary or February, as I recently found out it's pronounced. Sorry 'bout the Sandyman being on there so long. Future post are on the way. So hold off on slashing your wrists, 'cause Sir Gawain will ride again. Probably.

Well I'll be darned...

I guess the rumors were true, ‘cause it’s official, Thomas Haden Church will be playing Flint Marko, aka: (The) Sandman in Spider-Man 3. I didn’t want to believe the rumors at first because I never found Sandman too interesting. But I must admit, to my everlasting shame I thought the same thing about Dr. Octopus when he was suggested for Spider-Man 2. But Sam the man Raimi turned this:

into this:

I’m betting he’ll do it again with this

Now, as you may or may not know, Topher Grace has been cast for the third Spider-installment as well, place your bets now as to who he will play. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

It’s like evolution…. but backwards

I got my last set of school pictures today. It’s been thirteen years in the making and now I can show you the devolution of Robbie Magleby.


Kindygarden









Looking good: bowl-cut, sweatshirt, turtle neck, all in style.

First Grade









I miss that vest. I used to wear it to Church with nothing under it. I don’t know why my parents let me.

Second Grade









Denim… nice. Though you can't see them, I had four silver teeth at this time. I don’t know why my parents let that happen either.

(Circa)Third Grade
(My parents wouldn't buy me school pictures this year)









This photo was taken on the last day of third grade while we were packing up to move to Utah. Coincidentally the reason I have no school pictures for this year is the same reason I used to wear a lampshade: poverty.

Fourth Grade








All three buttons buttoned. Straight as an arrow.
(Name shortened to "Rob" for efficiency purposes)

Fifth Grade









Is my left ear bigger than my right?

Sixth Grade









Sweet fancy Moses! It is bigger!

Seventh Grade









Awww… my first under shirt. Just so you know, that vest was not in style at the time. Nor was my left ear.

Eighth Grade








Looks like puberty didn’t solve my outer-ear imbalance.

Ninth Grade









Oh man, now I'm a rebel, only two buttons buttoned. This was taken just after I had parted with a dear friend. A mole. And while Paul Allred (my Middle School chum) resemble the clay-mation mole from Wind in the Willow, I was referring to the big one I used to have on my forehead.
(Named changed to "Wells" for experimental purposes )

Tenth Grade









Even with my head turned, my monstrous ear pokes through.
(Name changed back to "Rob" for responsive purposes )

Eleventh Grade









It looks like this photo went through some heavy air-brushing. It was an awkward time for me. An awkward time that I have destroyed all the photographic evidence to. Boo wha ha ha.

Twelfth Grade









I don’t think there is an air-brush big enough to handle this mess. But, you’ll notice that I have fully embraced my big ear problem now. Now I have other problems, a receding hair line, an advancing gut, and a dying heart.
I like to get as much mileage out of my heart as possible. Joke mileage, that is. You didn't think that I meant exercise mileage did you?

(Other possible titles for this post included : “Unnatural Selection” &
“Survival of the Zit-est”)

Car Accident? More like, Car On-purpose-cident!

In case you haven’t heard my pal Alex and I were in a car… incident. If you would like to see his version of the story (I suggest you do) go check it out. But if you want the truth, stay right where you are. I just hope you can handle it.

I was sitting there at 7 a.m. ready and waiting for Alex to pick me up. He was late as usual. In fact, I had to call to remind him to pick me up.

Me: Alex, is it too much trouble if you could give me ride to school today?
Alex: Bite me you nastard!
Me: Please Alex, I want to learn!
(Alex hangs up.)

I assumed that his hang-up was a sign that he was coming, and he eventually did. It was raining pretty hard, and as usual, I had to knock on the window for him to let me in. I gave Alex a friendly greeting and he just held up a hand to block my words while he listened to the “climax” of You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. I gave Alex his much cherished Grobey-time and by the time the song finished we were past the roundabout.

(Alex clicks off the radio)
Alex: So, I see you’ve gained weight.
Me: Only a little, could we get off that subject?
(Alex gives a hearty laugh)
Alex: If everyone in the world were as tall, slender, and intelligent as me, the world be a whole lot better.
Me: Whatever you say Alex.
Alex: So Tubby, did I tell you that I’ve already been asked to Morp three times this year?
Me: yeah, you mentioned it.
Alex: Oh, I forgot, you weren’t asked to Morp last year were you Chunky?
(He takes both hands off the wheel to poke me in the gut.)
Me: Alex that’s enough, you need to keep your eyes on the road.
Alex: No I don’t, I got a 100% on my driving test, I can do what ever I want!
(He swerves violently into the next lane, and then back again.)
Alex: In fact I think I’ll hit that dumb cat over there.
(He swerves for the cat.)
Me: Alex NO! A cat is a living animal!
(I grab the wheel just in time to avoid the cat.)
Alex: What did you do that for, you Piss Kopf!?
Me: Let’s just try to get to school in one piece. Ok?
Alex: Oh yeah? Watch this!

Alex then hits the gas to slam into the car in front of us causing it to swerve, hit the curb, and flip over. Then Alex slams on the brakes and flips into reverse and repeatedly slams into the overturned car five times, laughing all the while.

Alex: Ah HA HA HA Ah! I won PHS Idol when I was a Sophomore! Ah ha ha ha ha!

Then Alex swerves back out into traffic and this sweet boy from his ward expertly dodges him. Alex, still in a rage, veers around and drives straight for the young lad and pulls the emergency brake at the last second so the car does a 180 and slams into the kid's car backwards. Our airbags deploy and Alex faints.
The car starts to fill with smoke and I throw Alex over one shoulder and carry him out of the now noxious car. Alex then comes to, lets off some profanities and heads back to his car. He throws open the back door and grabs his red aluminum baseball bat that he keeps in there for the fights he’s always picking with freshmen. Alex then starts swinging wildly at his trunk to worsen the damage for when the police arrive, in hope to gain more fraudulent money from the kid's insurance. Next he walks over to the now smoldering overturned car and takes a cell phone out of the carbonized corpse’s hand.

Police: 911 emergency.
Alex: Yeah, what do you want?
Police: You called us sir.
Alex: Oh yeah? Prove it!

Alex then hurls the phone to the ground and smashes it with his foot. I guess he didn’t completely destroy the phone because there must have been enough left to leave a signal for the police to trace and arrive on the scene.

But before the police got there Alex threatened the driver from the other car with his baseball bat while hoisting the dead man's charred leg above his head. (The leg had a bite taken out of it by Alex.) The police forms were all filled out to Alex’s wishes. And that’s the story of how Alex got his new red car named Mary Jane. (I’ll put the link to Alex’s post here one more time. I figure after reading this, you’ll want to read the real story.)

Well, my neck that I DIDN’T tell the paramedic about is starting to hurt, I’d better go, I got some stuff I gotta do.